Dempsey's Worst Nightmare
by Spyash2
Summary: Tank Dempsey, a man without fear; finally has his worst nightmare realised. My very first crack fic, so please, review. With or without an account.


Dempsey's newest nightmare

It was a normal week for Tank Dempsey as he walked peacefully around the park. Being midsummer, the sun shown its rays onto the planet warmly, but satisfyingly so, since it wasn't blistering hot. After a whole week of intensive 'bickering' and 'fighting' – he thought to himself softly – he thought he deserved a days rest after all. Fighting zombies in many different countries can easily tire someone if they were pushed to the brink. And Tank (unfortunately) was brought to the brink of exhaustion many many times.

After two hours of walking aimlessly Dempsey decided to take a small rest and sat down in the shade under a large tree nearby. But alas it was not meant to be. The moment he sat down and closed his eyes, he heard a shrilled scream of "Oh my fricking god, it's him!" The voice was a shrill teenager' and she was completely giddy with excitement. Tank slowly opened his eyes in protest, she seemed to appear out of nowhere and the girls voice sounded blissfully surprised.

To his horror, he realised that there were others with her. And they were in the same attitude as the one who spoke: Giddy with excitement. What was it about him that made them all like that, why were they so happy looking and why were they giving him hungry stares? Wait a second...

He stood up and was about to call out something along the lines of "Why are you staring at me like that?" But instead was interrupted with "He stood up!"

The girls interrupted with their screaming, crying and sometimes fainting. Tank blinked at them; which caused them to become even more giddy and excited than he thought possible. He was getting fed up with this, "What are you do-"

"HE SPOKE!"

The female monsters were behaving out of control - some fell into heaping piles of sobs and cooties. A strange feeling tinged into Dempsey's emotional supply - was that...fear? What the hell? He doesn't get scared! Was he internally malfunctioning? He had to be. He roared, "You-"

Cutting him off once more, one girl squeaked, "Get him!" The girls seemed to have lost total control and had broken off into a full stampede towards him, like they were wild animals. Their sudden need for him was far too much apparently.

Dempsey didn't know what to do, it wasn't everyday that a horde of absolute strangers interrupted you're much needed break with coos and affection being screamed at you. The girls continued at a blinding speed toward him, their eyes sparkling with starvation.

When facing the unknown, Tank always put up a mask of absolute confidence, for the oh-so-awesomeness marine was always in control of any situation. But this particular situation was as unknown as they get. He wasn't fighting hordes of seemingly limitless zombies, no, instead these were... Girls! And he couldn't help but be terrified by them. So in a state of totally un-Dempsey like panic, he took off running in the opposite direction, his aggravation morphing into plain horror. He threw in a dramatic scream as he was fleeing, just for show.

To his immense fright, the girls were able to slowly catch up to his fast paste through the park, and were gaining on him. Beads of perspiration poured down Dempsey's face, and he started to really hyperventilate - he was trapped. "YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING NUT-JOBS!" He struggled to keep his original paste, desperately wanting to get away from the foreign danger, the fan girlish threat. Alas, he knew it was the end, as he lost his footing and started to stumble. Everything began to happen in slow motion, obviously, and he released a cleshe yell of desperation and he stumbled along the ground.

It only took him a few seconds to realise that Richtofen had given him a hand-held teleporter, and could have used that instead of stumbling around like an idiot. All of them dog-piled on him, making Dempsey cry out in anguish as his form quickly vanished under the mountain of bodies.

It got worse for him though. The girls started a pointless fight over the marine in a matted ball of limbs - he was literally getting crushed under bodies of desperate teens. Insults were being slashed in all directions - "You tramp!" "You slut!" "You transvestite!" The fight became intense, and some girls passed out from lack of air and exhaustion. The panic had finally bubbled to the surface, and Dempsey screamed in the steadiest voice he could manage, "Get the hell off me!" His angry plea was drowned out by shrieks of the girls battling around him.

Finally deciding to officially escape the situation, Dempsey desperately pushed his way through the moving limbs until he finally had found an exit. With whatever remaining strength he had left; Dempsey forced the girls to make a sizeable hole for him. And thanked whatever god was watching him for not letting them notice.

After getting his legs free and knowing that the... 'Fan-girls' were rather occupied with each other, Dempsey made a mad dash for the closest exit. Leaving the cursing girls behind and making his way to a respectfully safe distance he took out a hand held device from his pocket and pressed the large red button in the middle. He closed his eyes breathing out in relief when he felt the familiar teleporting sensation envelop his entire body, breaking him down into small molecules as he went to his intended destination.

"I'm safe. The fan girl threat is gone. I'm safe. The fan girl threat is gone." He breathed out repeatedly, trying to comfort himself from the close call from being – No! He cannot think of that.

When the teleporting was completed; he opened his eyes only for them to bugle out in complete and utter terror at what he had witnessed. The safe house where the others were hiding at was completely overrun with those demonic fan girls. And the others were no where in sight.

He felt like crying again.


End file.
